First off, we’ve to acknowledge we heard the information:
The Pope does his first miracle https://t.co/oslOBeLTWQ
— Razzball (@Razzball) June 5, 2025
U2 was proper, it’s a Lovely Day. Although, I feel U2 was speaking concerning the new iPod. I don’t know, U2 sucks. Everybody with style is aware of. Sorry, I’m a pure born hater. So, so as to add to the uplifting White Sox information, they’ve referred to as up their high prospect, Kyle Teel. Marvel what his favourite coloration is. [audience member throws a tomato] Geez, powerful crowd. Teel was the pie contest sash coloration for the winner, and the prize of the commerce between Soxes. Soxii? Crimson despatched Teel to White and White despatched again yarn. That’s from ChatGPT, so undecided. Right here’s what Itch mentioned about Teel when he ranked him in his high 75 prospects, “A lefty who takes a managed method on the plate, he actually is aware of himself as a hitter and can in all probability appear like a significant league possibility in spring coaching. In 112 video games throughout two ranges final yr, he slashed .288/.386/.433 with 13 dwelling runs and 12 stolen bases. I’d like to manage Gray’s head with a left-left and uppercut.” What? In Triple-A, Teel went 8/7/.295 with a 25.4 Okay% and a .380 BABIP. Trying like a ten/8/.250 hitter for this yr. It’s nuts how catchers are a lot deeper than 2nd basemen. In a single catcher leagues, I may see making an attempt Kyle Teel in case you’re struggling at catcher, however he’s largely gonna be for two-catcher leagues. [pulls straw from mouth] I Teel you one thing, I ain’ biddin’ however I may see a few of y’all if ya needin’. Anyway, right here’s what else I noticed yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Wenceel Perez – 2-for-4 and his third homer, and 2nd homer this week. He’ll be on this afternoon’s Purchase column, and I can’t think about a extra tantalizing teaser.
Casey Mize – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 2.91. To not freak out everybody, however Mize has much more regression on the street forward. Unsure there’s a fork within the street he can take to keep away from, please spoon me.
Noah Cameron – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 0.85. Already gave you a Noah Cameron fantasy. There I declared 15-team combined and now I’m saying in all places, however his underlying numbers do look terrible, so regression will come quick and arduous — rawr!
Jonathan India – 3-for-9, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Royals have India main off as a nod to Season 4 of The Crown.
Cole Ragans – 3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.18, as he was activated from the IL. I’m so tremendous glad I made a decision to belief him this yr. Two thumbs up. Very gratifying time.
Maikel Garcia – 2-for-8, 4 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (6) and double legs (12, 13). Extra like Maikel Gracias! Excessive cinco me! Nada? Bien.
Ivan Herrera – 3-for-7, 2 RBIs and his sixth homer, hitting .337. Presently, the ninth greatest catcher on the Participant Rater, and has roughly 100 much less plate appearances than everybody else near him. Has been across the high 20 in $/sport and mainly Elly De La Cruz, in that respect. That is me giving Ivan-Herr flowers.
Miles Mikolas – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.96. It may be affirmation bias or another psych 101 phrase, but it surely looks like there’s extra starters this yr with god-awful strikeout ratios than I keep in mind from current, previous years. Mikolas is at 5.3 Okay/9, which is goofy unhealthy. Any hoo! Streamonator hates his subsequent, and sure gained’t ever like him.
Matthew Liberatore – 4 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 3.82, and left with the coach, as if his begin alone wasn’t sufficient to have me dropping him in all places. Begone, you louse!
Nolan Arenado – 2-for-8, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his seventh homer, hitting .228. At public sale, I purchased the birthday card Eleanor Roosevelt gave to her mistress the place she wrote, “I gained’t F FDR.” Right here, I’ll present you, I put it haphazardly by this open window–NOOOO!!! Torenado!
Robbie Ray – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks. This yr’s numbers: 77 1/3 IP, 87 Ks, 1.07 WHIP, 2.44 ERA. Eight straight High quality Begins. He’s so lovely! Not speaking about his pants (this time)!
Dylan Stop – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.72. Each begin I’m ready for him to determine it out, and each begin I’m left with an extended, gradual sigh.
Manny Machado – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his eighth homer, 2nd homer in every week, hitting .317. Machado hit his 350th homer. Not this yr, that might be a file, I feel, a few of these steroids years had been loopy.
Xander Bogaerts – Says he’s coping with soreness in the identical shoulder he fractured final yr. That is unhealthy information for individuals who don’t have him in any leagues, and excellent news in your opponents, who do have him, in the event that they’re capable of bench and even drop him.
Jesus Luzardo – 2 1/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 4.46. Want I by chance slipped, hit my head and had an apparition telling me to drop this schmohawk two begins in the past. Silly, ineffective, non-existent apparition! I dropped Luzardo earlier than this sport was over. Get off my workforce endlessly, you Loserdo! You gave up an effin’ homer to Bo Bichette! I hate you!
Chris Bassitt – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.56. Bassitt is without doubt one of the few starters who really ought to have constructive regression (aggression?).
Bo Bichette – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his eighth homer, 2nd homer in every week. Nearly by chance wrote his identify as Bob Ichette, and now I need to name him that.
Gunnar Henderson – 1-for-4 and eighth homer. A house run? Wow, I didn’t suppose it potential from Grounder Henderson.
Zach Eflin – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.47. Was anticipating to not love what I noticed in his stats, however a 1.2 BB/9 can play in deep sufficient leagues. Streamonator in most shallower ones, although, since he has a 6 Okay/9.
Adley Rutschman – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his seventh homer, and his 2nd homer in as many video games. Guess there was no additional the O’s may go down.
Bryan Woo – 6 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.07. Thought he was solely able to a Woo or Boo begin, however that is someplace within the center. A Moo?
Cal Raleigh – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his twenty fourth homer. Narrator, “What they didn’t know was in March, Raleigh by chance sat on Barry Bonds and he’s been controlling his arms ever since.”
David Festa – 3 2/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 5.40. You go into Bing Bong Stadium and you can be Bing’d or Bong’d.
Matt Wallner – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his third homer, and his 2nd homer in 4 video games. He gained’t be on this afternoon’s Purchase column, however he’s right here now, so do what you’ll with a schmotato.
Tyler Soderstrom – 2-for-5, 6 RBIs and his thirteenth and 14th homer, hitting .257, and his third homer this week. Thanks in your glowing water and bat, Soderstrom!
Jacob Wilson – 3-for-5, 3 runs and his eighth homer, hitting .363. Might Wilson be a 20-homer, .350 hitter this yr? That’s a high 30 bat. How does that fall a lot additional than that in subsequent yr’s drafts? To not reply however to ruminate.
Max Muncy – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .195, as he was recalled two days in the past by the A’s. Did he get new glasses too? He has stable energy, some velocity and appears incapable of creating contact. If he can determine that final half, he could possibly be worthwhile in combined leagues, however extra of an AL-Solely play for now.
Shane Bieber – Is not going to be making his subsequent rehab begin and can be going to see Dr. Keith Meister as an alternative. If a man goes and has the requisite Tommy John surgical procedure, then has issues along with his elbow, it’s as unhealthy as you can think about. Marvel if he mentioned to the physician one too many occasions, “Keith Meister…The doctornator…Keitharino…The Tendon Man…”
Max Fried – 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.78. He’s among the finest pitchers in baseball and I prevented him just like the plague. Lisa Simpson grumble.
Cody Bellinger – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his ninth homer, hitting .257. I discover it amusing that Cody goes to among the finest parks for a lefty and continues nearly precisely the identical tempo as he was doing final yr. Amusing, not humorous.
David Peterson – 7 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.80. Sonavabench! Didn’t have the pants grapes to begin him in Dodger Stadium, however I did begin Luzardo, so compliments to my mind.
Francisco Lindor – Has a damaged pinky toe however doesn’t suppose he’ll want an IL stint. Who was the sensible man who put Mookie’s evening desk in Lindor’s lodge room?
Brandon Nimmo – 1-for-4 and a slam (10) and legs (3). Nimmo discovered and stole one!
Starling Marte – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 4th homer, 2nd homer in every week. Yesterday was a Marte parte!
Pete Alonso – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his fifteenth homer, third homer in two video games. Albombso!
Michael Kopech – Might return this weekend together with Kirby Yates. Imply’s whereas, Tanner Scott (1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.40) secured his eleventh save yesterday. Or securrred, if Chingy is studying. Might Kopech or Yates get saves? Sure. Will they just because they’re again? No, that’s not how any of this works. They’re not gonna get thrust into the ninth repeatedly just because they’re again. If I needed to guess, I’d go Yates over Kopech for extra saves, however first they’ve to remain wholesome.
Kumar Rocker – Optioned to Triple-A Spherical Rock. No relation.
Marcus Semien – 3-for-4, and his fifth and sixth homer, third homer this week. You gained’t discover him on this afternoon’s Purchase column, or discover me suggesting you decide him up, however Semien may be scorching (like a lodge towel).
Jake Burger – 2-for-4 and his eighth homer, as he hits eighth as a result of Bochy has to hit Alejandro Osuna fifth? A corgi pushing coloured balls right into a basket could be higher than a few of these managers.
Robert Garcia – 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.28. The closerpocalypse has no let up.
Jack Leiter – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.48. Just one stroll, and he just lately mentioned he realized he was tipping his pitches, and tried to curb that, so, I don’t know, it’s not less than constructive information. I don’t belief him, but, however monocle’ing.
Ryan Pepiot – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.20. Like an electrical automotive, petty lackluster below the hood — 7.6 Okay/9, 2.6 BB/9, 4.00 xFIP, and a 37.7% floor ball charge that might result in him getting punished. Sure, I’m making an attempt to determine how I could be detrimental right here whereas rocking Ragans with a 5+ ERA.
Junior Caminero – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his fifteenth homer, and thirty seventh homer within the final week. Like a Sopranos fan membership may say, we love Junior!
Pete Crow-Armstrong – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his sixteenth homer. The haters are awaiting a regression. Let the haters hold awaitin’!
Ian Happ – 3-for-6, 4 RBIs and his 4th homer. Man is so overdue. [other side of my brain screaming] Ya suppose?! He’s on tempo for 9 homers!
Isaac Paredes – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his thirteenth and 14th homer, and three homers in three video games. How a lot for Paredes to fart in Christian Walker’s pillow and provides him conjunctivitis of the slugger?
Framber Valdez – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.07. I’m too lazy however I may return and take a look at previous feedback from the primary two weeks of the season, the place individuals requested if they need to drop Framber. His ERA since 4/20 is 2.43. Smoking!
Mitch Keller – 6 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.13. [opens a trench coat and reveals his true self, a terrible pitcher]
Brandon Pfaadt – 3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.51. Two begins in the past, earlier than his 1st blow-up, I instructed just a few individuals within the feedback to drop Pfaadt. I really feel these individuals ought to identify their firstborn after me. No less than a center identify!
Ketel Marte – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his eleventh homer, and his third homer in three video games. Elevating a Ketel to toast him not being toast.
Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – 1-for-4 and his ninth homer, hitting .253. Just lately needed to drop Lou-Gu-Ju in my RCL league and the complete workforce began falling aside at the very same second. Lou-Gu-Ju was my historical artifact that triggers a lure door. I would like him again or a same-sized sand bag!
Alek Thomas – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .260. For a quick second, I noticed Thomas within the field rating and thought it was Lane Thomas. Then I noticed Alek’s stats and realized there’s no method. Lane Thomas needs he had been doing in addition to two homers and .260.
Austin Riley – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his eleventh homer. Promote! All the Braves workforce is polluted like Michelle Pfeiffer’s womb in Scarface.
Ronald Acuña Jr. – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 4th homer. Tildaddy tells you it’s time for dessert!
Drake Baldwin – 1-for-5, 2 runs and his seventh homer, hitting .310, and his 2nd homer in three video games. You realize the Yin and Yang of Confucius? Properly, think about the Yin is the constructive drive of Baldwin doing effectively, and in direct opposition is the Yang of the Braves sucking.
Grant Holmes – 3 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.99. Streamonator hates his subsequent one, and I see no cause why it’s a must to maintain in most combined leagues.
Raisel Iglesias – 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 6.75. Braves pen is so unhealthy they’ve a devoted man to blow wins and a Bummer. “Bummer, Blewett?” Yeah, no kidding! After the sport, Braves supervisor Brian Snitker mentioned, “I didn’t see the sport from the eighth inning on, I used to be watching the 2nd season of 9 Excellent Strangers. It’s loopy how they’re nonetheless strangers.” Wait, it will get higher, to cease the pen from blowing wins, the Braves referred to as up Craig Kimbrel. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA–breathe, Gray, God rattling it, breathe!–HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! So, to again up Raisel, I suppose you’ll be able to strive Pierce Johnson, how painful may that be? [slowly crosses legs]
