[shakes up a sparkling water, cracks open the bottle and sprays strangers on the street] This Pleasure Facial is courtesy of Soderstrom! Why the anger? An Pleasure Facial is one thing you need to participate in and is extraordinarily enjoyable! Geez, sorry, you don’t should punch me! When the creator of the Soderstrom offered the rights to Mattress, Tub & Past, so everybody might have glowing water whereas they shopped for tub towels, I assumed, “That’s very good, I need a beige towel now and a few glowing water!” I didn’t anticipate one thing this excellent for everybody. Thanks, Mattress, Tub & Past, sorry you needed to exit of enterprise. You died so Soderstrom might stay. Yesterday, The Glowing Water, Tyler Soderstrom (3-for-5, 3 runs, 6 RBIs) hit his seventh and eighth homer. And it wasn’t even in Bing Bong Stadium! As BDon and I speak about on this week’s podcast, Soderstrom seems for actual. He’s minimize his Ks, upped his walks, is hitting every thing exhausting and pulling every thing. Dude’s locked in! He’s hitting a couple of too many floor balls and I don’t assume he’s a 40% HR/FB man, so he’s not going to hit 60 homers, however 35+/110/.250 is inside vary. Ya know, what you have been hoping from Matt Olson. Now get in line so I can provide you an Pleasure Facial. Anyway, right here’s what else I noticed yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Shea Langeliers – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .20. Sia’s virtually as blissful about Langeliers as the brand new season of Survivor.
Jonah Bride – Designated for project. He might catch on elsewhere. Like if he has a time machine, and may return to the 1888 Brooklyn Bridegrooms.
Jesus Sanchez – 1-for-4 as he returned from the IL. Jesus again? And 5 days earlier than Easter? Somebody can’t learn a calendar! Was tremendous blissful to see Jesus again within the one league the place I’ve him as a result of I painted all these silly eggs, and was beginning Miguel Vargas. Your mileage might fluctuate.
Josh Naylor – 2-for-5 and his 2nd homer, hitting .328. Glad no matter it’s that’s messing up Walker, he took it with him and didn’t go away it behind to place the kavorka on the DBags’ 1B spot.
Geraldo Perdomo – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his third homer, hitting .321, hitting 2nd and hitting near-.430 within the final week. Caldo schmodomo alerto!
Corbin Carroll – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and his sixth homer. I prefer to think about that is really Gunnar Henderson, don’t inform me completely different.
Ronald Acuña Jr. – Cleared to ramp up exercise towards a rehab project. Cool, I’ve a query: Can he return yesterday?
Spencer Schwellenbach – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 2.55. Wait, did Touki curse the Braves? Rattling you, Touki!
Matt Olson – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer. Promote! I’m not kidding. I stated this after Devers had his one massive recreation of the season, too. (Truly, it was a doubleheader, however similar diff.)
Ozzie Albies – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer, and Austin Riley (2-for-4) hit his fifth homer, and third homer in two video games. Okay, good to see the Braves’ womb grow to be rather less polluted.
Kevin Gausman – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.49. Don’t fear, I’ll get again in on Gausman subsequent 12 months and he’ll be terrible once more.
Anthony Santander – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. “Didn’t you already signal a contract to be right here?” That’s the homer-less Vlad Jr.
Alan Roden – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. It was April fifteenth and each Alan is an accountant, so he was doing work.
Devin Williams – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 6.00, and third save. I don’t speak about closers once they’re going nicely, so that is to say I used to be extra nervous two days about Devin than I’m in the present day.
MJ Melendez – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. Dwelling run name for him must be, “What a shot! Excuse me, Melendez! However, sorry, no pardon!”
Juan Soto – 1-for-4 and his third homer, and 2nd homer within the final two video games. Mets wheeled a cardboard cutout of Aaron Choose out to the on-deck circle for Soto’s at-bat.
Pete Alonso – 2-for-4 and his fifth homer. Albombso!
Tylor Megill – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 1.40. Properly, nobody thought he was a 1.40 ERA pitcher, however three Ks actually drives house the purpose.
Bailey Ober – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 6.16. He’s taking the lengthy strategy to a sub-4 ERA, huh? Ain’t Bailey Beneath, I’ll inform ya that.
Carlos Correa – 1-for-2, 1 RBI. That is gonna sound loopy. Nuts even. It’s possible you’ll not imagine me. However, are you sitting down, Correa is injured.
Brenton Doyle – Stated he received’t want a visit to the IL. He simply received’t play for 2 weeks.
Logan Henderson – Referred to as up by the Brewers. As an individual of curiosity in a cold-blooded homicide of NL-Solely waiver wires and lengthy been a Brief Eyes myself, I bought huge hankerings for Logan Henderson. His 40.7 Ok% was third in Triple-A and every thing is Whiff Metropolis — 94 MPH fastball with a 34.6 Whiff% and 82 MPH change with a 46.4 Whiff% — and a 88 MPH cutter and 83 MPH slider that hold folks trustworthy. I’ve been stashing him since Day 1 in a single NL-Solely league. I’m a fan. In combined leagues? Meh, he could be a long-man out of the pen to start, however I’m monocle’ing, clearly.
Quinn Priester – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 0.90. I’m over right here ready on Henderson and I ought to simply embrace Priester, then name up the Highlight crew. Remorse to tell, his peripherals look terrible, and I don’t belief him in any respect. Streamonator might like him and I’d have a tough time getting in on him.
Matt Shaw – Optioned down the .172-hitting Matt Shaw to the Cubs, and the Cubs will flip to the .172-hitting Justin Turner. I child, kinda. They’ll flip, er, to Berti or Gage Workman. Yesterday, it was each at third. Lowercase yay.
Shota Imanaga – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.22. His ERA is definitely 2.22222222222, however I *pinkie to mouth* Shota’ened it.
Randy Vasquez – 5 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 1.74. Don’t take into consideration how you will have Framber as a substitute of some schmohawk off waivers. Simply nod, smile vacantly, take a look at the Streamonator and transfer on.
Manny Machado – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer, hitting .313. Macho Macho Manny!
Alexis Diaz – 2/3 IP, 0 ER as he was activated from the IL, however received’t return to the nearer’s position instantly. As Truss stated, “Francona actually gonna make me maintain Pagan till he provides up 7 ER in 1/3 IP huh?”
Matt McLain – 0-for-2, 2 runs, 1 RBI as he was activated from the IL. Could ninth. I feel what that date is. Don’t fear, July twenty eighth is Royce Lewis’s date. After returning solely two weeks earlier than!
Austin Hays – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer, as he was activated from the IL. Reds bought a bunch of men again. Spencer Steer’s about to grow to be both a part-time participant or get an IL stint he wanted about 4 weeks in the past, and Noelvi Marte goes to clear twelve hundred video games within the minors. “I’ll current Noelvi with an award named after me.” That’s Rusney Castillo.
Dylan Moore – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his third and 4th homer, as he hits leadoff. If solely I drafted him as a substitute of Gunnar Henderson. To the tune of Thompson Twins Maintain Me Now, “Kill me now…Heat my coronary heart…”
Luis Castillo – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.22. Whispering to myself, “Be respectful, don’t gloat.” Um, cool, higher luck subsequent time, Castillo! Whispering once more, “Very plausible.”
Jarren Duran – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (1) and legs (6), hitting .234. Haven’t but watched the Sawx Netflix present, however I plan on it. I simply don’t perceive why it wasn’t launched, like, I don’t know, final 12 months.
Alex Bregman – 5-for-5, 4 RBIs and his third and 4th homer, hitting .321. It’s very bizarre for me to have Bregman in so many leagues this 12 months, however I advised you he was gonna eat in Fenway (and drink in Massive Stein).
Walker Buehler – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 5.23 vs. Ryan Pepiot – 6 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.91. This was a matchup of, “I didn’t actually need him vs. I did need him, and now I don’t actually need both.” I simply don’t love having a starter who I really feel I can’t begin at house, and that kinda goes for each of those guys.
Jonathan Aranda – 2-for-3 and his third homer. Johnny Aranda sounds so badass. Jonathan? What, you a seagull? His stats proper now are saying Yandy with a greater launch angle. Name him Dandy Diaz.
Steven Kwan – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his third homer. Solely three extra homers than Gunnar, why do you ask?
Logan Allen – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.30. Certain glad I drafted Framber! Excellent news (I don’t know if that is excellent news. Properly, it’s for me as a result of I don’t have him), Allen isn’t actually pitching this nicely.
Cedric Mullins – 2-for-3 and a slam (4) and legs (3), hitting .300. Bit goofy that Westburg (0-for-4, hitting .196) is hitting leadoff and Mullins is hitting seventh. Okay, so much goofy.
Justin Verlander – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners, 1 Ok, ERA at 6.75. He appeared higher than his line. Extra like 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks, if that makes you are feeling higher.
Jesus Luzardo – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.31. He appeared worse than his line. Extra like 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners, 1 Ok, if that makes you are feeling worse.
Bryce Harper – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his third homer. Glad we didn’t have to attend for his spouse to provide start with their subsequent baby for him to homer. Although, that’s nearly each 9 months and at some point. Bryce noticed 20 Children and Counting and was like, “A’ight guess!”
J.T. Realmuto – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Jerry Tomato crushed that! Making gravy?
Erick Fedde – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.43. Tried to choose up Fedde and Liberatore this previous weekend and missed in a number of leagues. Starting to assume the Ghost of Dave Duncan is sprinkling pitching coach recommendation on their pillows at evening.
Hunter Brown – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.50. I do know what you’re considering and, sure, he might be an ace, i.e., a high 10 starter, I earlier than E, if it’s Brown, don’t flush him down.
Yordan Alvarez – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer. Captain Woo Cubano, please get hotter than the solar. I’ll develop out my beard and put rubber bands in it in your honor.
Yusei Kikuchi – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.13. Yu-meh.
Tyler Mahle – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 0.92. In 2021, he had a 180 IP season of three.75 ERA with a ten.5 Ok/9 and three.2 BB/9 and he seems very comparable proper now. That’s a step in the proper path from his near-5 ERA season he’s been placing up. This a constructive. This can be a thumbs up emoji, however not in a passive aggressive kind method whenever you simply need somebody to close up in a bunch textual content.
James Wooden – 1-for-5 and his sixth homer. Are we speaking in any respect about how James Wooden is, like, 12 years outdated and practically main majors in homers?
Jake Irvin – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.91. Checked the Streamonator for his subsequent matchup, made the pungent movement waving away a odor from my nostril and closed the Streamonator.
Mitch Keller – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.30. Is he higher than say, pause for reflection, Jake Irvin, who is offered in each league?
Endy Rodriguez – Hit the IL with a finger laceration. “Laceration” is such a cool phrase, like spelunking. It’s just like the anti-moist. Laceration and Spelunking had a child, and that child turned out to be a complete nerd named Moist. Boo! We hate you, Moist! You nerd! Why can’t you be cool like your mommy or daddy, Laceration and Spelunking?
